i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
