she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
You smell like stripper and shame
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Randomize
