a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Randomize
