I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
