it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
