dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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