I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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