Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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