dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Holy shit dude........stairs
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
