party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize