I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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