bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
