he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
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