Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
