I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Randomize
