...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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