btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
