i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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