I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
This is my gift to your gina
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
