And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
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