i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
