Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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