I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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