he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
