I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
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