I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
where are you?
Hypothermia
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
