Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
