So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
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