It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
it's not cheating when I paid for it
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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