Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Randomize
