I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize
