I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
...so i touched it.
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Randomize
