She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Randomize
