Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
