i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
