Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
