OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize
