I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
