She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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