There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
