ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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