Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize