is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize
