I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Randomize
