Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Randomize
