she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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