I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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