Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
