Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
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