I wish I could teleport
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
