she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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