i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Randomize