It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
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