So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
