my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
