I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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