he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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