If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
