thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Randomize
