pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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