Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
A bitchslap is in order.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
