I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
