I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
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