Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
dude. I can hear the air.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
