So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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