Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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