since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I pour the whiskey from now on
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
