Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
