i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
