I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
and you fell through a lawn chair
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