I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Randomize
