a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
